Tell me why it is so difficult.

Its almost 2am. I have school later on but I've yet to sleep. I hate myself for not turning in earlier, knowing i'll be dragging myself out of bed again in the morning and probably end up being late for school (as usual).
I hate how I'm freaking out over the nearing As but yet I am not studying, not doing tutorials, not even attending lectures (or at least stay awake throughout). Its miserable.
I hate how I'm just not good at everything or anything at all. As hard as I try, I still look awful, talk awful, write awful, dress awful, get awful grades, have an awful character.
I hate how as much as I know my attitude is bad I can't change, somehow. I guess the determination is just not there.
I hate how I just keep eating and eating and eating and putting on crazy lots of weight like there's no tomorrow. Thunder thighs and horribly flabby arms.
I hate how I have injuries everywhere, my body is breaking down I can't run nor carry stuff nor climb during pe and all those shit. I don't like feeling so helpless and restricted.
I hate how vulgar my language gets when I'm in a bad mood.
I hate allowing my emotions get the better of me.
Worse of all, i hate how I've distanced so much from God. Why all this hatred and unhappiness within me, God please take all these away.